It;s raining cat, dogs, and trees?

I have a little story from last night:

I like to run in this county park called the Narrows Reserve. It runs along side the Little Miami River. So just as I start running it starts pouring down rain. I mean buckets full of water are coming down on my head. I like running in the rain, it's kinda fun, so down the path I went.

About half way down, I hear this loud pop overhead. I slowed down, and noticed it came from this big dead tree right off the left side of the path. I looked around, and kept going past the tree. Just as I passed it the top half of the tree came crashing down to the ground.

I stood there for about a minute with my mouth hanging open in shock. I mean... What if I had gotten there just a few seconds later...

Wow...

Hey Pot, meet Kettle

We Talked.

And talked.

And talked.

Cheryl can best be described in one word: ambivalent.

In short, I’m still being punished for the sins of the past. I’m responsible for her hating herself, and her terrible self esteem. Because of me… she’ll never be able to be close to anyone. It’s a terrible burden to bear.

And yet she can never imagine being with anyone besides me, even after she cheated.

Nice.

She knows we can’t afford to stay separate; hence, we are stuck together... for now. She really makes no sense at all to me. She holds on to the past like it’s a precious thing. It’s so hard for to understand the fact that she cannot get over anything. She is such an emotional pack rat.

I confess that I did some dumb things, but she is bringing up things that happened 15 to 20 years ago. The worst thing is that in my mind most of things I did were minor. But there is no convincing her differently.

Dear God.

While she was gone, my lady friend Christine called and asked me if I could go with her to see Duran Duran, and I did. Needless to say that if I had really wanted to, I could have a serious relationship with her, but absolutely nothing happened between us. This is because, and only because I chose not to.

So I told Cheryl about it. And she had the audacity to be upset about it.

I wish I had the balls to end this. My problem is that when I’m with her, I want things to work out, but when I’m not with her, I really don’t want to be with her.

I guess you can’t expect 20 years to be thrown away that easily. But, if there is not the ability to forgive… why bother?